Getuienis 1
This is my testimony on my road to recovery with Gods help and Celebrate Recovery…
I was invited to Ruimsig Gemeente to join in there 40 Days of purpose series and since that day I haven’t looked back. In January of 2005 I had a setback with the sudden death of my father and the separation of myself and my husband. In February 2006 I attended a recovery group information evening. I new I need help and signed up straight away to join with a recovery group. It has been anything but smooth sailing. But it has been the best self satisfying journey I have ever undertaken with God as my leader.

Please join me on my road to recovery…
The problems I had with myself were those where I hurt the people closest to me… my children and husband. I always felt I was not good enough for them. I was a failure as a mother and wife. I wanted to become a better mother and wife I hated what I was doing to them and myself in the process. To do so I had to go back to the beginning…

I had to ask myself why I am like I am. Why do I do what I do? In order to answer these questions I had to open all old hurts, bring back memories good and bad. It started with my childhood. I come out of a big family. We are 4 sisters (with our mother and father) and we have 2 illegitimate brothers (with different mothers). My mother and I never had a very close or loving relationship. I was always daddy’s blue eyed girl. We never went without anything; we were not rich but more middle class. My dad used to work away from home for weeks at a time but we never complained it was what his job entailed.

Through the years my dad had outside affairs which I accepted as been normal when I was little and I went where ever my dad went and with whomever. As I got older I understood that this was not right but by then I was so used to it and my mother and I were never close anyway. My dad was my hero after all. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was about 18 years old. We all accepted this what else could we do. It was a very difficult time for all of us as a family. But life carries on…

I met my first husband when I was 19 years old and been so in love all we wanted to do was get married. In this time I became pregnant with my first son. (I had a very difficult pregnancy). Two weeks before my 21st birthday for the first time ever my mom and I sort of formed a silent bond. I drove her all over to visit old friends we shopped for my 21st and spoke in general. On the day of my 21st we had all the family over for the afternoon. My mom was not well but she was present. After all the people had left that Sunday night she asked my dad to take her to the hospital. A day later she went into a coma never to regain. She died 3 days later the Wednesday morning with all of us present at her bedside. Two months after her death my dads girl friend moved in…

My husband and I got married in December 1994 and then 2 months later in February 1995 my first son was born. Well this was not a marriage made in heaven. I found out that my husband was also having affairs and having vowed to myself I would not let any man do what my father did to my mother. I divorced him 5 months later when my son was 2 years old. (My relationship with my father has never changed we were always close no matter what.)

After a year of being on my own going out and meeting new friends I met and fell “in love” my 2nd husband. We were together for a year when we decided to get married. I again became pregnant with my 2nd son. We got married and all was well until after my son was born in 1995. I started withdrawing into my own world with very high walls around me. (I was scarred that history was going to repeat its self) and threw all my energy into my baby. It was also at this stage that I started pushing my 1st son further away from me. (It was after my 1st son was born that I discovered my ex husbands affairs.)

My husband and I became more and more distant from each other. (We were living in a comfort zone) in 2002 when I became pregnant with my daughter my husband was not all to please with me (been a loveless marriage). During my pregnancy I kept to myself as this was “my” baby. My family and friends were all happy for me. My mother-in-law was all excited I even took her for my scans. When my daughter was born in 2003 daddy was to pleased he now had his little girl, but I had other plans… I kept her to myself. (Why must I let him have the joy of her when he never wanted her in the first place…?) When my daughter was 2 weeks old I had this huge fall out with my mother-in-law. It came to light that she blamed me for falling pregnant again saying that I trapped my husband. (How do you trap your own husband?) Well that was when I decided that they would have as little to do with her as possible.

This time round I built my walls even higher up. Things didn’t improve on the home front, we were having problems with my oldest son. It got so bad between my husband and son that I couldn’t take it anymore. I spoke to my ex and told him that my son must go and live with him and his wife. That December when the schools closed we moved him to his dad. He then came home every 2nd weekend and for all the holidays. Things improved slightly on the home front.

A year and a half later my ex-husband left his wife for another and my son had to move in with his grandmother to finish up his school year. On the 3rd of January 2005 my father passed away suddenly after having a heart attack. Two weeks later my husband and I separated. After 2 months we decided to give our marriage a 2nd chance. Well things went really well for a while but then we went back into our comport zones but a “good” comfort zone.

My eldest son then came back to live with us in 2006. It was quite an adjustment for all of us involved. My sons father was involved in drugs, went into rehab and moved to Pretoria. My son himself battled to adjust to all this and his new /old school, but on the whole we all settled in well together.

On the financial side things were always tough. I decided to work from home to be closer to the kids. This was the best move ever made. My husband was offered a working opportunity overseas last year (2006) this would take him away from home for 4months at a time with a 2 week break to come home in between.

The first three months went ok. The kids adjusted to there dad being away. I had to adjust as we had also started with renovations at home and I had to take in all the family responsibilities as well. When he came home in December for his first holiday home I didn’t no what to expect. When he left things between us were ok/normal as far as I was concerned we weren’t having any (real) problems. It was great to see him and the kids were over the moon. Our relationship was great. Until later that night for some unknown reason I read his messages on his cell phone and what I read was anything but great…

He had met a tourist lady friend over there and they were getting on very well together. All though nothing came of it I had this “huge” wake up call. I can loose my husband and all that we have worked for and been through in the last 9 years in an eye wink.

Given the new development I confronted my husband with what I had read, he didn’t deny what I had read but said nothing came of it but he came close. He told me the temptations over there were so abundant and been new to traveling he was overwhelmed. That he was like a little kid in a toy shop. Well I had but a few minutes to decide what I wanted to do. I prayed to God to give me the strength and the courage I needed to make the right decision. I turned around to my husband and said to him “I can either love you or I can leave you…” Well I said ” I have decided to love you” and from that moment on we have been inseparable. We were like 2 teenagers in love all over again the whole time he was here for his holiday in December. And our daily chats are even more intense since he has been gone again.

Having had this “huge” wake-up call has made me realize that I cannot handle my husband with all my baggage or I will loose him.
• Recovery came at just the right time with just the right message to save my marriage.
• Recovery helped me handle my past before I damaged my relationship with my husband for good.
• Recovery made me realize that I was hurt in the past and therefore I was hurting somebody (my husband and kids) who didn’t deserve it.
• Recovery helped me forgive those that hurt me in my past and helped me move forward with those that I love.
• Recovery has had a positive affect on me in my life in all that I now do daily.
• Recovery has changed my priorities in my marriage. I now put my husband first and not my children.
• God has broken down many walls in relationships with recovery.
• Through recovery I am now a better mom to my children and I am building a better relationship with them everyday through God.
• Through recovery I have accepted the Lord God into my life.

I want to thank you for coming on my journey through recovery with me.

Getuienis 2

As groep het ons al voorheen daaroor gesels en verstom gestaan oor die ooglopende feit dat God elke dame beslis uitgekies het om deel van die groep te wees. Die dames het baie vinnig by mekaar aanklank gevind ten spyte van die groot ouderdomsverskille en generasiegapings.

Elkeen van ons het beslis nader aan die Here gegroei en het ’n toekomsverwagting dat God herstel in ons lewens gaan bewerkstellig. Ons besef almal dat dit nie ’n pad van “quick fixes“ is nie, maar ons is opgewonde oor die uiteinde. Elkeen van ons beleef geweldig baie omgee in die groep en ons voel veilig om ons diepste gevoelens met mekaar te kan deel, alhoewel dit die sonder pyn en trane (en baie sneesdoekies) gepaard gaan nie. Soos een dame dit gestel het: “dit het my jare se terapie geneem by ’n sielkundige om persoonlike goed te deel, en hier deel ek dit (en nog meer) binne net 1 maand!“ Ons almal voel dat ons groter insig in onsself verkry het en het begin om huidige emosies te verbind met gebeure in die verlede. Ons besef ook dat dinge wat ons “agter ons gesit het“ nie heeltemal so uitgesorteer is nie en dit steel ons vreugde. Maar die ontdekkingsreis is een wat ons committed is om saam te loop en ons gaan heel anderkant uitkom!